I Googled up a free chess site to see if I could beat the computer. (I'm playing white.)

The computer will lose in eight moves...

I moved my G pawn up a square.

The computer's Knight is more interested in my Bishop.

"Thank you for the pawn," says I.

The computer is planning something nasty with its Queen.

"Thank you for the pawn again," I say. The right side of the board is now wide open...

But the computer is just wondering why I'm letting it trade a Knight for my Bishop.

Ka-ching! Hi there! My queen wishes to visit your king! Shall we "mate" in the upper-right corner?

Black makes the "Oh my god!" move. That Bishop's a goner.

My Queen retreats to take the Bishop.

"Ha!" gloats the computer. "I have freed a square where my King can flee.

"So your 'mate' threats are for naught."

My Queen chases the Black King out of row 8.

Count 'em down, now.


Humankind is victorious!