Destiny-land
It's..... The happiest blog on earth













Tuesday, April 17





Sunday, February 4



Hey, Super Bowl watchers. Grim Reaper's Steve Grimmett
wants to sell you a satellite navigation system!



11:28 PM



Friday, January 26


A great story from 1891. The Newark Courier-Gazette re-tells the story of the Great Train Robbery.



6:00 PM



Sunday, January 14


SPIDER-MAN: Don't you guys realize that it's all gone wrong? That if you don't get off your uncanny X-butts, it's going to get even worse?

I'm really enjoying the Civil War storyline in Marvel comic books.



12:01 PM



Sunday, November 26


Davy Jones wants to be your personal penguin.



Drawings by Sondra Boynton.

He was in the Monkees - remember?


12:53 PM



Saturday, November 18


And now a homemade video on YouTube, teaching Saved by the Bell viewers a valuable lesson.

"Don't fuck with AC Slater."


Views: 1,115,910

#81 - YouTube's All-Time Most Discussed Comedy Video
#52 - YouTube's All-Time Most Linked Comedy Video
#87 - YouTube's All-Time Most Viewed Comedy Video


3:33 PM



Saturday, October 14


"With a corporate office in New York City, Dunder-Mifflin has branches in Buffalo, Stamford, Albany, Utica, Scranton, Akron, Camden, Nashua and Yonkers..."
I always enjoy visiting NBC's web site for The Office. It's got deleted scenes, original "webisodes", and fake public service announcements - and even a fake web site for the paper company where the show takes place.
Dunder-Mifflin Inc. (stock symbol DMI) is a mid-cap regional paper- and office-supply distributor with an emphasis on servicing small-business clients....
It turns out that Dwight Schrute even has a blog.



12:33 AM



Tuesday, September 26


"When we said we wanted to combine the excitement of 'Snakes on a Plane' with the intellectual stimulation of sudoku, everyone said we were crazy. Well, who's crazy now?"

Oh no, you didn't....

"We totally took regular sudoku puzzles, got rid of those safe 3-by-3 squares, and replaced them with deadly snakes. There are over 1,500 snakes in this book, and Agent Flynn [Samuel L. Jackson] isn't here to help you."

I saw it in the bookstore tonight.

Though, honestly, I was disappointed that the puzzles inside had actually kept the 3-by-3 squares after all. There were two fan-created Sudoko puzzles on the Snakes on a Blog fan site that actually twisted the 9 digits into snake-shaped polygons.



10:49 PM



Monday, September 25


Fan-made videos celebrate the end of the Aldo Kelrast storyline in the newspaper comic strip Mary Worth.



7:03 PM



Sunday, September 24


David Bowie does an amazing cameo on Extras.


So much talent.

Via Waxy.


10:28 PM




Elmo talks to Robert DeNiro in this two-minute clip from PBS. It's method acting enhanced with muppets.

Elsewhere you can watch Elmo singing a song with the Goo Goo Dolls.


"You are furry, proud, and red..."

Found via Viral Video Chart (which was found via Waxy).


10:16 AM



Thursday, August 17


The Daily Show, Samuel L. Jackson, and Snakes on a Plane.


It's happening! It's happening!
It opens in theatres tonight at 10 p.m.

Update: The San Francisco Chronicle savors the madness.


5:54 PM



Tuesday, August 15


Johnny Carson isn't dead.

He's making cameos in those David Letterman clips on YouTube.


I love how he radiates excitement as he leaves the stage.

Shake hands, waves, then a two-handed wave with a smile and a nod, a big smile to the right, and one last wave


10:24 PM



Monday, August 14


Anton Gustavsson was a "conspicuously uncool" 19-year-old in Sweden. He was a computer programmer with an ordinary voice who nonetheless recorded his impassioned vocals for Iron Maiden songs over simple computer MIDI music files in 1999.

His honest energy endeared him to an online audience, and he became the prime example of a "DIY celebrity", even distributing a CD on an alternative label. (Click here to listen to Anton Maiden mp3s).

Sadly, four years later Anton committed suicide. He was 23 years old.

This April someone uploaded an Anton Maiden tribute video to Youtube. As Anton sings "Run to the Hills," it flashes pictures of him as a young boy...


Very sad.


10:47 PM



Sunday, August 6




Welcome to Destiny-land!
The blog with good clean fun
for every one!!!!


Just kidding. I borrowed that image from Destinyland.com, some kind of youth ministry/nursery school/real estate debt re-financing site.


See also: the Destinyland stageplay at jimo-koyo.littlestar.jp

I am also not a 28-year-old Scorpio in Alaska.


3:51 PM



Thursday, July 27


Steely Dan's letter to Luke Wilson is amazing.



9:08 AM



Wednesday, July 26


"I thought it was an off day," pitcher Dock Ellis wrote in his autobiography. So he'd dropped acid with his girlfriend in a Los Angeles hotel room. Glancing at the newspaper, she then realized that he was scheduled to play that day.

Six hours later, he was on the mound.

"I can only remember bits and pieces of the game..." he wrote in 1984. But it's lovingly remembered in an article from GettingIt.com. ("I had a feeling of euphoria. I was zeroed in on the catcher's glove... sometimes I saw the catcher, sometimes I didn't...")

When the game was over - he'd pitched a no-hitter.



8:44 PM



Tuesday, July 25


A great moment in western civilization is preserved in this Amazon DVD review.

It was a thing of beauty what happened back in 2003. People of all races, nationalities, socioeconomic backgrounds, political affiliations, religions, and any other differences you can think of that polarize us finally agreed on one thing. We all took a stand against the syphilitic evil of reality programming by laughing The Real Cancun out of the theaters.

Of course, any uprising of this magnitude is bound to have opposition. The bad guys aligned themselves with the thirty-three people left, most of them in the 14-16 year old age bracket, who still watch eMpTyV (and buy any products that eMpTyV hawks) and a bunch of horny frat boys waiting for something to tide them over until the next Girls Gone Wild DVD hit the shelves.

When the smoke cleared, the good guys were victorious for a change.

Now for network television. WE WILL NEVER SURRENDER!!!


"4 of 6 people found this review helpful."

Reviewer: Habitual Linestepper
"The Thompsonian Institute of Bad Reviews"


11:11 PM



Monday, July 24


"And let us not
 forget to toast
 everyone who might have
 missed the boat.

 And to everybody
 else who waits
 till the next one sails in again..."


I thought that would be a beautiful epigram for a book about the dotcom days in the 90s. But though the Devo song is called "That's Good," someone else has a different opinion.

This is some of the laziest rhyming I've ever heard. These lyrics are especially bad, because earlier in the song the lyics to this part of the structure did indeed rhyme. ("Ain't it true, there's just no doubt / There's some things that we can't do without...") That's not good at all!

It's just one of many examples submitted to a site listing nearly 400 artists who are guilty of badly-rhymed lyrics.


Also available: misheard lyrics and made up lyrics.


10:57 PM



Saturday, July 22


It's the most notorious moment in the history of The Brady Bunch. It's the scene where the 17-year-old actor playing Greg is actually stoned.

Now you can watch the scene online.

Former child star Barry Williams remembers this moment in his biography I was a teenaged Greg. (Chapter 17 - "One toke over the line.") He'd been given a day off, when some friends of his older brother visited. "I was introduced to a thin, hand-rolled, yellow joint. 'Listen, man' said one of the buds, 'toke slow -- this is some real heavy shit.'"

"'Cooool,' I thought... Several drags later, the stuff had kicked in hard." Which is when the Brady Bunch's assistant director called him back to the studio "to shoot the driveway scene"...

The makeup man helpfully handed him a bottle of visine - and then Barry strutted onto the set, "thinking to myself that my now-heightened sense of consciousness and intensity might give me a chance to completely recreate my role..." Williams high-fived the crew, "feeling very cool."

When they'd gathered on the set, Williams "saw it as crying out for innovation and improvisation." His biography's confession includes detailed memories of the minutes that followed.

  • "In my mind, I made up a history for the bike; why it needed air, what happened to the tire, where I had been riding it at the time. When rehearsal began, I proceeded to get involved with the spokes of the wheel, forming a relationship with each individual spoke, and then trying to come up with a more aerodynamic design for them."

  • "Instead of merely crossing over to the car and standing there as expected, I invented a new saunter..."

  • "Instead of just standing and listening to [Mr. and Mrs. Brady] while they were talking, I opened the car door and stood on its threshold to reach boat height and worked on loosening the straps."

  • "I experimented with my speaking patterns and inflections, giving each individual word undue weight and significance:

    YOU didn't SAY anything ABOUT getting a boat, Dad
    You DIDn"T say ANYTHING about GETTING a boat, Dad.
    YOU didn't SAY ANYTHING ABOUT getting a BOAT, DAD!

  • "In subsequent rehearsals I changed my lines altogether, or simply made up new ones as we went along."

But when the filming actually started, Williams suddenly became paranoid. "I was now second- and third-guessing my every move, my every word, my every action." And then - the cameras rolled.
(Brady calliope music)
Williams waves, trips over the bike pump.
Mrs. Brady opens the sliding door.
Greg: Hi dad!
Mr. Brady: Hi!
Greg: (pause) Uh (laughs) you didn't say anything about getting a boat!

Mr. Brady: ...I thought with a little work, we could fix it up!

Greg: Far out!!

To this day you can still see Greg sleepily waving 'hi" to his dad in the clip - and then tripping over the bike pump. "I pretended not to notice my stumble...I continued on like nothing happened and hoped somebody else would mess up."

How does Williams sum up the experience?

"Getting stoned instead left me...feeling as phony as the turf in the Brady's backyard.

"Maybe I should've just smoked that."



Ironically, the name of this episode is "Law and Disorder."

Bobby is appointed the school's safety monitor, but misses obvious reckless behavior...

Which is ironic, since it real life, the actor who played Bobby later became a Grateful Dead-head


*                           *                           *


See also: Greg singing You've got to be in love (to sing a love song) from the Brady Bunch episode "Johnny Bravo"

Jamie Foxx's incredible version of the Brady Bunch theme (including impersonations of Babyface Luther Vandross, and Prince)

The Brady Bunch variety hour: Disco Greg and the family perform Attitude Dancing and The Hustle.

Plus showtunes! One from a Chorus Line and Corner of the Sky from Pippin

Peter Gabriel's 2002 music video, The Barry Williams Show


12:01 PM



Sunday, July 16


Devo 2.0 sings the Annette Funicello/Beach Boys song "The Monkey's Uncle" in this demented homegrown anime video on YouTube.

The original song was recorded 41 years ago for this 1965 Disney movie.


The Devo 2.0 version appears on a new CD with cover versions of Disney songs.


2:49 PM


I just discovered that the creator of the comic strip Perry Bible Fellowship has also created some short movies.
  • Ken's new specs is a one-minute adaptation of one of the strip's comics.

  • A Kiss for Joe features cartoonist Nicholas Gurewitch himself.

  • The woman he kisses appears in a parody of a kung fu movie where she fights to defend the golden turtle.

  • There's a fascinating 9-minute documentary about her and the strange word game she's played in her head since the age of 7.

  • There's a long experimental film that switches to a beautifully surreal style for its second half.

  • One fully-animated (and very naughty) cartoon unexpectedly ending with a forest of trees.

  • A short live-action movie offering a metaphor for love.



1:19 PM



Thursday, July 13


To the U.K. surfer who typed in "Are you ready Steve Uhuh lyrics."

The song you're looking for is "Ballroom Blitz."



12:35 AM



Sunday, July 9


John Cleese gave a remarkable eulogy for Graham Chapman.

Even more amazing - it was followed by Eric Idle singing "Always look on the bright side of life."


Link via Cardhouse


9:45 PM


UPDATE: How do you take a song about irrational, fatal desire, and change its lead singer from a 32-year-old male to a 13-year-old girl?

That was the task Devo faced when they handed off "Girl U Want" to the all-kid band they'd assembled for Disney's "Devo 2.0".

Though Disney's web site shows Nicole Stoehr singing a neutered version of "Girl U Want," the album has her singing "Boy U Want," a song where nearly every lyric has been changed.

I wondered if it might empower a generation of girls, with an animated male floating through the video as the object of desire. But in the song's lyrics, it's still the woman who's driving the man crazy.

You've got him thinking that he's out of his mind.
This kind of feeling isn't easy to find.
But then, look how strongly the song's writers (and re-writers) had felt about its original message. (Below is my original post about the song...)


*                           *                           *


Sunday night, somewhere in England, a mysterious post-industrial figure types into Google U.K.

song meaning girl u want devo

Since I'm now the #2 match, I felt compelled to find the answer...

"It's about the essence of desire," says co-author Gerald Casale. "...aching desire. She sings from somewhere you can't see, like the famous myth of the sirens that used to lure the sailors to their deaths by singing to them in the night.

"They'd go try to find these girls that didn't really exist, and the boat would crash on the rocks and they'd die."


Thanks to YouTube, we can watch Devo performing this song (live in 1982) as well as many others!

See also: altered lyrics for Jerkin' Back and Forth and Through Being Cool
More Devo 2.0 lyric changes


8:12 PM


The phrase even crept into Rolling Stone's interview with a think tank scholar who was explaining Jesse Helms' campaigning style.

"It was about provoking a visceral, gut-level response. It's not rational. It's 'Snakes on a Plane.'"


7:14 PM


I was browsing my local bookstore when I spotted it.

"Snakes on a Plane" - the book.

"A snake jumped right out of this book like a spring-loaded projectile of venom and bit me right on the nose!" writes one Amazon reviewer. "It's just THAT intense!" ("7 of 7 people found this review helpful...") ("Add to baby registry!")

I think this photograph sums up my generation. It's caption?

"I'm enjoying Snakes on a Plane in Print."


UPDATE: The mysterious reader of the book has been identified! ("Since I didnít want to ruin the ending, Iím only going to read the first chapter....")

His blog post included an excerpt from the opening of the book - which drew the following reader responses.

"That first paragraph suffers from a severe lack of snakes."

"Also planes."



The film's merchandisers appear eager to capitalize on the movie's internet buzz. Also available:

Snakes on a Plane: The Album, whose product description notes that the best fan-produced songs are included on the enhanced portion of the CD.

Snakes on a Plane - 2007 Calendar

Snakes on a Plane: The Guide to the Internet Ssssssensation. ("...lavishly illustrated, featuring much of the fan's original artwork.")

Snakes on a Plane: The Complete Quote Book.

Snakes in the Cockpit: Images of Military Aviation Disasters

Sheep in a Jeep


7:02 PM



Wednesday, July 5


Johnny Depp has played pirate Jack Sparrow in two Pirates of the Caribbean movies - and said he modelled his character on Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards.

It's been confirmed. The next movie in the series will include an appearance by Keith Richards himself.

In the third film ("At World's End"), the main characters "sail off the edge of the map, navigate treachery and betrayal, and make their final alliances for one last decisive battle," according to the plot summary at IMDB.com.

"The Golden Age of Piracy is finally at its end. The East India Trading Company has amassed an enormous fleet with one purpose in mind: riding the waters of all pirates... Our heroes must face Lord Cutler Beckett, Davy Jones and Admiral James Norrington in a titanic showdown that could eliminate the freedom-loving pirates from the seven seas -- forever."


Rumor has it that Keith Richards will be playing: Jack Sparrow's father.


8:46 AM



Tuesday, July 4


Roger Ebert's wife told the Chicago Tribune: "[P]lease give the big guy the space and time needed to recover until he is ready to use those thumbs again."

Today she added, "Roger would also want you to go out to the movies. He gives you permission to see even those movies that don't have his personal 'Thumbs Up'."



12:21 PM



Monday, June 26


It was weird when Devo announced their next album would be sung entirely by cute kids from the Disney channel.

Disney even released nine complete music videos.

Girl U Want
Uncontrollable Urge
Freedom of Choice
Whip It
Beautiful World
Big Mess
That's Good
Cyclops
Peek a Boo

UPDATE: I don't know why the kids were playing instruments in the videos, since all they did on the CD was sing.

But "Cyclops" is one of the first new Devo tracks in 20 years. And then there's the Disney kids' version of Devo's 1982 classic "Peek A Boo." ("I know what you do, 'cause I do it too.")

"The way that we weren't
is what we'll become.
So please pay attention
while I show you some
of what's about to happen."

UPDATE: An entry about Devo 2.0 on Wikipedia has apparently been hacked in retaliation. The phrase "vocals provided by children" has been re-written so the page now describes a new Devo album with "vocals provided by yeti children."

Actual changes in lyrics appear below.


Devo sang "It's a beautiful world for you... It's not for me."
Devo 2.0 sings: "It's a beautiful world for you...I guess me too!"

Devo sang "A dog who found two bones...he ran in circles, til he dropped dead."
Devo 2.0 sang "A dog who found two bones..he ran in circles, til he dropped down"

Devo sang: "I'm a man with a mission, a boy with a gun."
Devo 2.0 sings "I'm a girl with a mission...a girl having fun."

Devo sang: "Life's a bee without a buzz."
Devo 2.0 sings: "Life's a bee that doesn't buzz."

Devo sang: "It's got style, it's got class, so strong, I can't let it pass."
Devo 2.0 sings: "Fogged in, after lunch, I get a snack attack, I need to munch."

Devo sang: "Eliminate the ninnies and the twits."
Devo 2.0 sings: "Eliminate the time you waste in cliques."

Devo sang "Look at you with your mouth watering."
Devo 2.0 sings: "Look at you with your mouth muttering."

Devo sang: "You know you're headed for the pleasure burn."
Devo 2.0 sings "You know you're shaking and you're ready to learn."

Thanks to X-Ray specs for the last one. They add that "The sooner my daughter can be through being cool and snap the trap of going with the flow, the better."

Many more lyric changes were added for an alternate version, Boy U Want
An entirely new set of lyrics was created for Jerkin' Back and Forth

NEW: A comparison of the differences on Through Being Cool

See also: Pigdog reaction montage.


10:09 PM



Saturday, June 17


John Grisham only wrote one story that became a movie without first being published as a book. A hot lawyer (Kenneth Branagh) squares off against a mentally disturbed backwoods Southerner (Robert Duvall) in the 1998 film The Gingerbread Man.

But the great film-maker Robert Altman was chosen to direct, adding his own distinctive visual touches &mdash chaotic atmosphere, bad weather, unexpected cruelty, and full-frontal nudity. Amazon's review applauds the intrigue in "the combination of Grisham's mainstream mystery and the offbeat style of [the] maverick director...The Gingerbread Man demonstrates [Altman's] skill in bringing a fresh, characteristically offbeat approach to conventional material..."

Both Altman and Grisham have given thought to the lawyer's character, though for Altman his complaint is simply that "the minute he gets outside his own element, he's dog meat." The thriller leads the attorney into increasingly dangerous situations.

Now here's where it gets weird. The Internet Movie Database gives a traditional summary for the movie's gnarly plot. ("Lawyer Rick Magruder has a one-night-stand affair with caterer Mallory Doss...") But for the movie's poster, they display this.

"To my knowledge," I emailed the web site, "Robert Altman did not direct Adventures of the Wishing Chair, and John Grisham did not write its screenplay."

Again, to summarize:

In the movie:
Not in the movie:


I wonder which child in the armchair was the lawyer's one-night stand?


4:26 PM



Sunday, June 11


"But wait. Maybe we don't want to hear Paul Newman's voice coming out of a car."
Yeah, the movie didn't really work for me either. But I applaud the film-makers' obvious love for Route 66.

Even in the closing credits, Pixar included a list of Route 66 businesses that had inspired them. And Salon's reviewer also points out that the voice of the small-town sheriff in Radiator Springs was provided by the author of a book about Route 66.


The closing credits also included Pixar's traditional list of "production babies".


9:26 PM



Wednesday


A bittersweet fan suggests their intriguing idea for filming the last episode of That 70s Show without the actor who played Eric.

"The last scene could have been [Eric] in 2045 (as [Bob] Newhart, of course), daydreaming about Donna, wondering what became of her."



9:48 PM


Eric told Donna he was sorry...

I finally watched the last episode of "That 70s Show." TV.com reports some interesting trivia about the closing credits.


"The gang is in the Vista Cruiser, singing along with 'Hello It's Me' by Todd Rundgren; they're coming home from the Todd Rundgren concert... that they went to in the pilot."

The episode takes place, of course, on the last night of the 70s - December 31, 1979. Which creates an opportunity for even more trivia...

"The outfit that Kitty wears in the New Year's Eve party scene (red blouse, flowered skirt)...is the same outfit she wears when she is first seen in the party scene in That '70s Pilot."

But you know who really got sentimental? The show's actors.

Laura Pepron, who played Donna, tells E that the first time the cast read the last episode, "We were all just crying... I'm probably going to watch it just by myself, not in front of a lot of people because it's really special, and I'm probably going to be crying like a little baby."

And the actor who played Hyde added that while they were working on the last episode, "There were people losing it."


And -- one more time -- Eric told Donna he was sorry...


9:08 PM



Wednesday


Four years before his death, 69-year-old Louis Rukeyser found a nasty network surprise. Maryland Public Television tried to oust the commentator from the position he'd held 32 years. (AOL Time-Warner had offered them more money to re-brand the show as product placement for Fortune magazine.)

Not missing a beat, the shrewd, unflappable host used his weekly monologue (mp3) to urge viewers to follow him to a different network. "It turns out that the woods are full of smart television executives," he chuckled.

His debut on CNBC drew the largest audience in CNBC history. Within four weeks, 61% of PBS stations across America had chosen to re-broadcast it. The old PBS show (without Rukeyser) lost half its audience almost immediately.

When asked if there was room on TV for both shows, the Wall Street commentator joked:

"I'll let the market decide."



9:37 AM



Friday


Forbidden ice cream?

I've always liked drinking Black and Tans - and apparently Ben and Jerry's does too. They created a new ice cream flavor with "blended real cream stout" ice cream - and a swirl of chocolate. And they named the flavor "Black and Tan."

This got them in trouble. Tonight Reuters ran a story from Dublin reminding us that the "Black and Tan" was a notorious British paramilitary unit from the 1920s, adding that the name "still arouses strong feelings in Ireland." Wikipedia describes the group's violent history and the origins of their name.

"Any reference on our part to the British Army unit was absolutely unintentional and no ill-will was ever intended," said a Ben & Jerry's spokesman.

"Ben & Jerry's was built on the philosophies of peace and love," he added.



One of its ingredients is "carrageenan." What's that? According to this web page, it's "a colloidal extract from carrageen seaweed and other red algae."


7:48 PM



Saturday, May 8


I've been reading Nancy Drew mysteries - but in their original texts.

Her first adventures were written in the 1920s, and they often startle you with their stodgy language and the racism and cruelty of their time.

For a few excerpts, read my book report on The Mystery of the Ivory Charm...



2:01 PM



Tuesday, March 28


"Hello my name is Ryan North and this is my comic, and it is called Dinosaur Comics! I hope you think it's pretty okay!"
Who would win in a fight, Superman or Batman?
The answer is "Batman!"

Superman has strength!

Batman has BATMAN SKILLS.


As T-Rex stomps a house, he argues stupidly with Dromiceiomimus and Utah Raptor about comic books.

I love this comic strip!


It's by a 25-year-old in Toronto.


7:41 AM



Thursday, March 23


As I've travelled through life, I've never found myself pausing to ask: How does "Urban Dictionary" define this phrase?

I'm actually not even sure what "Urban Dictionary" is, but they're one of Google's top matches for the phrase "Snakes on a Plane."

It was kind of interesting watching them going through the motions of a definition.


A simple existential observation that has the same meaning as "Whaddya gonna do?"

There's about four more examples on that page...

I've got my own definition. I play Quake III a lot, and am always switching in new goofy names for my avatar. ("You were fragged by...Gilligan!" "You were fragged by....a pwetty widdle girl.") Lately it's been "Snakes on a Plane."

And I have this fantasy that somehow through the games I've played, my lousy Quake-playing strategies will become immortalized.

"So our avatars were spawning in the red cathedral area, and suddenly there's all these grenades raining down from the high window. Some lamer was continuously firing grenade after grenade in the hopes that one would randomly hit us.

"So the floor of the cathedral is covered with grenades. Everywhere you step - boom! There's something bad there! It's, like, I dunno, what would you call that?"


It's like snakes on a plane, man.

Snakes on a plane....



9:23 PM



Friday, March 17


SAMUEL L. JACKSON: Enough is enough. I've had it with these snakes...

Today the world changes. The way we relate to cinema has reached a turning point. From this day on, nothing will ever be the same.

New Line Cinema just released their trailer for "Snakes on a Plane."



8:45 AM



Wednesday, March 8


A 2004 article in the San Francisco Chronicle notes that FDA and medical researchers agree trans fats are "the most dangerous fat in the human diet." At the time the Girl Scouts' spokeswoman acknowledged the need for healthier alternatives in their cookies, then claimed that "We're fast-tracking that ourselves."

It's two years later, and there's still 2 grams of dangerous trans fats in my Do-si-Dos. The Girl Scouts are trying to kill us!!!

Er, wait. Apparently there's more to the story.


"By next year's drive, all Girl Scout cookies will be free of the fat that scientists now tell us is more harmful to our hearts than saturated fat...."

The Scouts have [already] taken the villainous substance out of three of their most popular cookies: Thin Mints, Caramel deLites and Peanut Butter Patties.



6:20 PM



Friday, March 3



It's a silly parody of Bill Cosby.

Bill Cosby's lawyers just sent my friend Andy a cease-and-desist over it.

More here...


Banner created by GetLucky...


9:12 AM



Sunday


NPR asks the questions you want to hear...

MICHELLE NORRIS: I'm looking into your future. You've got two films that are coming out soon that both involve snakes. What's up with the snakes?

SAMUEL L. JACKSON: Well, actually, only one involves snakes. Black Snake Mountain is a blues song by Blind Lemon Jefferson that happens to be the title of this particular film. Snakes on a Plane is...pretty much what it sounds like.

I want to do films sometimes that excited me when I was a kid. And I always liked horror and adventure movies. And when I opened the cover on that particular script, and it said "Snakes on a Plane," I was immediately kind of viscerally struck with a "Oh yeah." It turned out to be exactly what I thought. You know, somebody turns loose a big crate-load of poisonous snakes on an airplane, and we kind of fight the snakes 'til we get to our destination.

And it's just one of those popcorn kind of moments where – you know, you go into a movie, you don't have to think about what's happening, you know what's going to happen. You know? There's gonna be snakes loose on this plane, some people are gonna get bitten, and there's gonna be some victims, and you hope you're a survivor. You know.

You just want to have that experience and excite people who are sitting there watching it. So people who have a fear of flying and people who have a fear of snakes, you know, are gonna have like a double whammy going with that.

It's kind of going to be great.


Click this link for my complete collection of Snakes on a Plane links


7:59 PM



Monday, February 6


This year's Super Bowl ads are online!

Here are the highlights...



Others that were somewhat clever....


But alot of them were just baffling. A streaker sheep? The Whopper-ettes? A giant robot impregnates a female monster to spawn a hummer?

Although I have to say that my favorite ad was "Dragon," the folded-paper animation for United Airlines.


UPDATE: USA Today ranks the ads with a focus group...

All top 13 spots were occupied by either Bud Light, FedEx, Ameriquest, Sierra Mist, or CareerBuilder.


1:46 AM



Thursday, February 2


Things you didn't know about the Pittsburgh Steelers.

During World War II, the Steelers experienced player shortages. They twice merged with other NFL franchises in order to field a team.
  • During the 1943 season, they merged with the Philadelphia Eagles forming the "Phil-Pitt Eagles" and were known as the "Steagles". This team went 5-4-1.

  • In 1944 they merged with the Chicago Cardinals and were known as "Card-Pitt" and informally known as the "Car-Pitts" or "Carpets".

I decided to look up this year's Super Bowl teams on Wikipedia. I also learned that the 1938 Steelers had a player named Byron White, who later left professional football and became a Supreme Court Justice.

And what does Wikipedia say about the Seattle Seahawks?


In 1979, the Seahawks set the NFL record for the lowest total offense in one game (minus 7 yards) in a 24-0 loss to the Los Angeles Rams at the Kingdome.



9:46 PM



Wednesday, February 1


The New Yorker ran an interesting article about the Tab underground.

They're fans of the discontinued soft drink Tab, who have found creative ways to procure the mostly-off-the-market soft drink.



11:23 PM



Monday, January 23


GBM: I ain't goin' nowhere without my mocha.
Manager: Then we'll call the police. On both of you.
Me: For what? Not speaking the Starbucks language?

What happens when you refuse to say "venti" instead of "large"? Find out in the Starbucks Complaint contest.



10:16 PM



Saturday, January 7


It's the most bizarre movie dialogue ever written. Delivered on title cards in the 1927 silent classic The Unknown.

"On your wedding night she would see your arms....and hate you!"

"No, Cojo...she would never hate me...she would forgive me!"

"But you forget...she saw her father strangled by a hand with two thumbs."


And then, Lon Chaney lights a cigarette with his foot.


He plays a circus freak who's been pretending to have no arms...


2:06 AM



Monday


The Rocky Horror Picture Show - filmed 30 years ago - starred Barry Bostwick as the nerdy "Brad Majors." Bostwick was 29.

30 years later Bostwick (now 59), played a serial killer in an episode of the CBS TV show Cold Case. The detectives trace his character's history to 1977, when he may have murdered a Philadelphia doorman...

As a troubled Mormon teenager, he'd searched for a woman as pure as Mary Magdalene. And eventually a female co-worker agreed to take him to a movie.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Besides footage of the traumatic date at the movie, the episode included several songs from the film in its flashbacks. Rocky Horror fans would recognize "Superheroes," "I'm Going Home," "Hot Patootie," "Over at the Frankenstein Place", and - inevitably - "Eddie".


"From the day he was born, he was trouble...."


8:06 PM



Tuesday


In an episode of The Simpsons, Homer gives out his email address (chunkylover53@aol.com).

Curious web surfers emailed him - and they got some funny responses.

Dear Nerd,
I didn't even know the internet was on computers these days, let alone some kind of electric mail dealie. Please send all future letters (and beer) to: 642 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield USA then a zip code.
Praise Jebus!


What's going on? I was trying to bid on a Weird Al Yankovic t-shirt on Ebay, and now everyone in the world is sending me electric letters like crazy!

I'm so confused. Confused and tired.

Homer Simpson, local man

P.S. If you know Weird Al, tell him to send me a t-shirt.



6:27 PM



Sunday


The famous Christmas song by the Chipmunks was released 46 years ago.

On its album cover, they still looked more like wild squirrels.




1:33 PM


Happy festivus!!!

The holiday was invented in 1966 by Dan O'Keefe - whose son Daniel became a writer for the TV show Seinfeld. In 1997 he wrote the episode where George's father insists on celebrating Festivus rather than the more burdensome Christmas.

Wikipedia reports that the writer's father discovered the holiday in a book of obscure European celebrations. (He later wrote a book about "the social theory of magic" as a ritual with real social significance.) He was also inspired by Samuel Beckett's play "Crapp's Last Tape," in which an elderly man makes a tape recording of his grievances throughout his life.

So next year when December 23 rolls around, be sure to shout out: Happy Festivus!


It's even better than Chrismukkah. (As seen on The O.C.)

Link via Kevin Drum


10:24 AM



Friday


I was listening to mp3s of the Avenue Q soundtrack - and didn't realize they were in random order.

I'd been applauding the musical for its brashness in opening with the number "You Can Be as Loud as the Hell You Want (when you're Making Love)."

But I was surprised when it ended with Kate Monster dumping Princeton. She sings "There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie...I don't have the time to waste on you anymore...."

In a final nod to reality, this version of the musical closes with the gang consoling a heartbroken Princeton that at least "There Is A Life Outside Your Apartment." The number ends when he picks up "Lucy the Slut" and takes her back to his apartment.


Fun-fact: one of the performers in the show also actually worked with the Muppets


6:34 PM



Monday


This scene should be awarded with the prize for the most silly character death ever produced on TV....She flies off the roof... I can't believe what I saw.

Last week the writers of Las Vegas killed off the character of Monica, the hated new owner of James Caan's casino. She was wearing a wing-like cape which caught an unfortunate breeze on the casino's roof.

In this week's episode: they dump her ashes in a toilet.


Although I have this theory that Monica faked her death.
(Leaving the casino to a charity before Ed could re-claim it.)


8:59 PM


I've moved my older posts into the archive.

But the three most popular blurbs from the last year are going to stay on this page - below!



10:02 PM




Sunday


The Oompah Loompahs were even scarier in the original book.

In Roald Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, they sing their stern judgments with extensive and gleeful details about the fates of the bad children.

For example, Augustus Gloop.


A hundred knives go slice, slice, slice;
We add some sugar, cream, and spice;
We boil him for a minute more,
Until we're absolutely sure....

For Tim Burton's movie, Danny Elfman changed that lyric to "We boil it for a minute more..."

Elfman sang, produced, and wrote music for all the songs. But Dahl's lyrics were apparently so vicious, that Elfman had to trim out most of them.

As an example, here's Roald Dahl's original lyrics for the Augustus Gloop song. Italics show the only lines that Danny Elfman kept.


Augustus Gloop! Augustus Gloop!
The great big greedy nincompoop!


How long could we allow this beast
To gorge and guzzle, feed and feast
On everything he wanted to?
Great Scott! It simply wouldn't do!

However long this pig might live,
We're positive he'd never give
Even the smallest bit of fun
Or happiness to anyone.

So what we do in cases such
As this, we use the gentle touch,
And carefully we take the brat
And turn him into something that

Will give great pleasure to us all --
A doll, for instance, or a ball,
Or marbles or a rocking horse.
But this revolting boy, of course,

Was so unutterably vile,
So greedy, foul, and infantile


He left a most disgusting taste
Inside our mouths, and so in haste

We chose a thing that, come what may,
Would take the nasty taste away.

'Come on!' we cried, 'The time is ripe
To send him shooting up the pipe!

He has to go! It has to be!'
And very soon, he's going to see
Inside the room to which he's gone
Some funny things are going on.

But don't, dear children, be alarmed;
Augustus Gloop will not be harmed,
Although, of course, we must admit
He will be altered quite a bit.

He'll be quite changed from what he's been,
When he goes through the fudge machine:

Slowly, wheels go round and round,
and cogs begin to grind and pound;

A hundred knives go slice, slice, slice;
We add some sugar, cream, and spice;

We boil [it] for a minute more,
Until we're absolutely sure

That all the greed and all the gall
Is boiled away for once and all.

Then out he comes! And now! By grace!
A miracle has taken place!

This boy, who only just before
Was loathed by men from shore to shore,

This greedy brute, this louse's ear,
Is loved by people everywhere!
For who could hate or bear a grudge
Against a luscious bit of fudge?"

But to be fair, 34 years ago, I remember a kid on the playground talking about Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. He'd read the book - "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" - and through the entire movie he'd waited to hear the Oompah Loompahs sing...
"Augustus Gloop, Augustus Gloop, The great big greedy nincompoop!"
But they didn't.

I wonder if he'd even remember that conversation. But I did. Saturday, watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. When the Oompah Loompahs finally sang...

"Augustus Gloop, Augustus Gloop, The great big greedy nincompoop!"



8:41 PM



Friday


Japanese "anime" comic books - artsy drawings, sometimes with adult themes - are a target for small-town censors in this naturalistic drama about a comic book store owner.

Surprisingly, it's appearing in installments in the newspaper comic strip Funky Winkerbean.

It starts innocently enough - a mother goes to the comic book store. She's startled by what she sees, and warns "Don't worry. I'll be back."

And then the story escalates.

"Great! Eight previously solicited titles have had pushbacks in their publication dates... Can this day possibly get any worse?"

"You're under arrest."

"That was a rhetorical question."
Poignantly, the kids at the store don't understand. The owner of the store is escorted to the police car.

Out on bail, he's shown sadly bagging comic books...



3:39 PM



Thursday


Last night Jon Stewart's The Daily Show did a segment about bloggers.

The highlight was its interview with Stephen Colbert...


JON: With more on the role of blogger's in today's media, I'm joined by Daily Show senior media correspondent, Stephen Colbert.

STEPHEN: Jon, before we begin, I'd like to get something off my chest, before I get 'outed' by the bloggers.

My real name isn't Stephen Colbert. It's Ted Hitler. No relation. Well, distant relation, two generations back. Directly. I'm Adolf Hitler's grandson. Anyways, it's out there. It's no longer news.

JON: Uh, uh, wow. First of all, thank you for your honesty, Stephen...

STEPHEN: It's Ted. It's Ted Hitler.

JON: Ted, you're sort of 'old media,' you're an old media reporter. What are your thoughts on, in your mind, the role of these new media figures?

STEPHEN: Jon, the vast majority of bloggers out there are responsible correspondents doing fine work in niche reporting fields like Gilmore Girl fan fiction, or cute things their cats do or photoshopped images of the Gilmore Girls as cats. That's great. Where I draw the line is with these "attack bloggers," just someone with a computer who gathers, collates and publishes accurate information that is then read by the general public. They have no credibility. All they have is facts. Spare me...

JON: But, Stephen, I mean, to be perfectly...

STEPHEN: Okay, I put myself through school as a Colombian drug mule. I put heroin in condoms and I smuggled them into the country in my colon. Okay? Fine. Post away, atrios.blogspot.com

JON: Um -- getting back to the story, Stephen, the medium of the internet may be new but what bloggers do, as you just described it, is really in many respects what journalists do.

STEPHEN: 'What journalists do', Jon? As a journalist, I think I know what I do. I'm not sitting at home in front of my computer. I'm out there busting my hump every day at the White House, transcribing their press releases, repeating their talking points. That's how you earn your nickname from President Bush. And when he stands at the podium, points at me and says 'You, Chowderneck - question?' Everyone knows its me. Ted Hitler.

JON: But as long -- as long as the blogs fact-check, as long as these bloggers check their facts, why would you even object to this kind of political coverage?

STEPHEN: Because it's not political coverage, Jon. They're reporting on the reporters. The first rule of journalism is 'Don't talk about journalism'. Or maybe that's Fight Club, but my point is this. These guys need to learn: you don't report on reporters. Nobody likes a snitch! If they've got to report on something, why don't they take some of that youthful moxie of theirs and investigate this administration. Somebody ought to! You would not believe the things they're getting away with!

JON: But Stephen...

STEPHEN: Fine, Jon. Three years ago I killed a panda. Ling-Ling! Or the other one. I can't tell them apart. In my own defense, in my own defense Jon, it was dark, I was drunk, and it was delicious. Sorry to ruin your scoop, Colbert_Killed_A_Panda.com

JON: Now Stephen, like it or not, these bloggers have already gained a certain legitimacy.

STEPHEN: Yes, Jon, and therein lies our only hope. For with legitimacy, the bloggers will gain a seat at the table, and with that comes access, status, money, power. And if we've learned anything about the mainstream media, that breeds complacency.

Or, whatever.




4:35 PM